fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is Oprah even human
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
