This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
