Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
