is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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