i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
