somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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