while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize