Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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