Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
