i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
