I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
