Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
