So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
