Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
