oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
