I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
