You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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