dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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