i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
