My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
