My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
