she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
