I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
