I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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