Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
FUCK WHALES
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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