I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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