i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize