You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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