Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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