dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
