she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
