Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
