i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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