What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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