I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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