I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
