i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
