my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
