I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
