This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Come on in and take your pants off
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