Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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