have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
