ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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