If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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