i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
