There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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