i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
