she looked like the before picture.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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