So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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