Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
