i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
