The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i was born a porn star she said
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
