Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
