From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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