how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize