If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
