Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
