she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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