It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
