I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
