I've blown a few things in my day
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
