I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
