just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
