So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
