Ambien. No doubt about it.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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