Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
