when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
