can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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