It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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