There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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