so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
