Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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