Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
