2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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