I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
