She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
