she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
why is half of my head shaved?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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