So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
