good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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