Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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