OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
