Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
