Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
