Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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