I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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