I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
