we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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