There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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