Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
