Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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