ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
