the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
