dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize