20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
